SPOILER WARNING: Major spoilers ahead for 9-1-1 Season 10, Episode 5, “Who’s Your Daddy?”

Okay, 9-1-1. WHAT THE HELL?!

This episode took me from worrying about a four-year-old little boy to laughing at a family scandal, arguing with a police captain through my television, and nearly having a heart attack over a wood chipper. And then Chimney broke my heart.

AND THEN BUCK OPENED HIS MOUTH!

Good Lord! I was hoping Buck and Eddie might finally figure things out after last week. Apparently, that was too much to ask.

Buck, Oh Honey. This Is Breaking My Heart.

We start with Buck saying goodbye to Theo, and I already don’t like where this is going.

Theo is headed to a group home while they look for another foster placement. He’s excited about meeting new friends and even gives Eddie a toy for Christopher.

OH, MY HEART!

And Buck is trying so hard to make everything sound wonderful when he’s clearly struggling himself.

I’ve spent weeks wanting Buck to understand that children need boundaries. But last week’s conversation with Eddie explained why he’s having such a hard time. The last time Theo saw his parents, Buck was carrying him away from them after the accident. Buck believes that every time Theo looks at him, he sees the person who took him away from his parents.

Oh, Buck.

He was rescuing that little boy, not trying to hurt him. But Buck feels like he can’t parent a child he’s traumatized, and I understand why that weighs on him. I don’t necessarily agree that he can’t be Theo’s father, but I understand why he feels that way.

And now Theo is leaving. He’s FOUR YEARS OLD, and instead of going straight to another family, he’s going to a group home while they try to find him somewhere to live.

I know that doesn’t mean he’ll stay there forever. But this little boy has already lost his parents. How much more is he supposed to go through?

Athena, I Don’t Think That Man Was Standing Up!

Meanwhile, a man out jogging stumbles across a dead body. Literally.

He’s talking to his mother on the phone, minding his own business, and suddenly there’s a dead man’s foot in his path. Well, that’s one way to ruin your morning!

Athena and Detective Newell arrive to find Chip Larson shot in the chest, with his shoes and wallet missing. There’s no gun, and the blood pattern is strange.

Athena notices immediately. OF COURSE SHE DOES!

I’ve watched this woman solve enough mysteries to know that when she starts questioning something, everybody should listen. Unfortunately, somebody apparently missed that memo.

Eddie, Listen to Hen and Karen!

Eddie and Christopher have dinner with Hen, Karen, and Mara, while Denny joins by video call from school. I love that they’re keeping him involved even from across the country.

Naturally, Buck and Theo come up. Eddie is upset, and I get it. But Hen and Karen know how complicated foster care can be. They remind him that disagreeing with Buck doesn’t mean Buck doesn’t care.

THANK YOU!

Nobody has to like what’s happening to Theo to recognize that Buck loves him. And after everything Hen and Karen have been through with Mara, I appreciate them bringing that perspective to the conversation.

EXCUSE ME?! WHO’S THE BABY DADDY?!

The 118 responds to Jules’s twenty-first birthday party, where she’s planning to announce that she’s pregnant. Well, sweetheart, I hope you weren’t expecting a quiet birthday!

Before she gets the chance, her throat starts swelling. The firefighters initially suspect an allergic reaction, but family friend Carter stops them from proceeding with an invasive airway procedure and hands over medication for hereditary angioedema.

Here’s the interesting part: Carter has the condition himself.

WAIT A MINUTE.

CARTER IS HER BIOLOGICAL FATHER?!

Apparently, Jules’s mother has been keeping one hell of a secret! And Carter was making jokes about his special burger sauce earlier. SIR!

Harry’s comment about that sauce being pretty special absolutely sent me.

Then the man who actually raised Jules finds out about the affair. AT HER BIRTHDAY PARTY! As if that isn’t enough, he’s also learning she’s pregnant.

Good Lord. Somebody get this family a cake and a therapist!

I loved Eddie pointing out that biology doesn’t always determine who a parent is. Whatever Jules’s mother and Carter did, the man who raised her is still her dad.

Captain Crackpot, Have You Met Athena Grant?!

Back to Athena’s investigation, where the police have found Marshall Gibbons, a homeless Army veteran wearing Chip’s missing shoes.

WAIT. IS THAT MONROE FROM GRIMM?!

YES! Silas Weir Mitchell! And Captain Callahan is played by David Ramsey—Diggle from Arrow! I love recognizing familiar faces.

The actors, anyway. Captain Callahan? Not so much.

Detective Newell questions Marshall while Athena watches from behind the glass. Marshall has schizophrenia, admits taking the shoes, but insists he didn’t shoot Chip. He says he saw the gun fly away.

A flying gun? Okay, that’s interesting.

Callahan seems perfectly happy to call this case solved. But Athena isn’t buying it, and after ten seasons I trust her gut more than I trust Captain Crackpot.

Athena proves her point by asking Marshall leading questions about JFK and Jimmy Hoffa, and he goes along with them. HA!

Just because somebody agrees with an accusation doesn’t mean it’s true. THAT’S MY GIRL!

Chimney, Please Don’t Do This to Me.

Chimney and Maddie arrive at the hospital to learn that John is critically ill. A cut from gardening led to an infection, then sepsis, and now he’s in a medically induced coma.

OH, COME ON!

John and Ann took Chimney in after his mother died. Their son Kevin was Chimney’s best friend, and after Kevin’s death, things between Chimney and John were never quite the same.

Now Chimney is scared that he’s just a family friend, not really their son. When Ann needs help with John’s care, he hesitates because legally, he isn’t.

Oh, Chimney. Their grandchildren call John and Ann Grandma and Grandpa. Ann called YOU when John got sick!

Maddie reminds him of that, and later Hen urges him to tell John he loves him while he still can.

PLEASE LISTEN TO HER, CHIMNEY!

A Million Dollars?! Well, NOW They’re Interested!

Athena and Newell speak to Chip Larson’s adult children, who are not exactly devastated. Their father spent years traveling as a photographer, missing important moments in their lives. One of them suggests the news of his death could’ve come in an email.

OUCH!

I understand being angry with an absent parent. Death doesn’t magically erase that. But then Athena mentions a million-dollar life insurance policy.

A MILLION DOLLARS?!

Well, suddenly everybody’s paying attention! And now I’m wondering whether those two might know more about their father’s death than they’re letting on.

OH MY GOD! GET HIM OUT OF THAT WOOD CHIPPER!

Just when I think I might get a minute to recover, we have a wood chipper emergency.

A father is fed up with his son playing video games and streaming to thousands of Twitch followers instead of helping him work. The son puts in his earbuds, Dad goes to deal with the machinery, and everything goes horribly wrong.

HIS LEG IS CAUGHT IN THE WOOD CHIPPER!

The 118 arrives, but the machinery is helping contain the bleeding. Freeing him could make things much worse, and the blood they need is stuck in traffic on the 405.

OF COURSE IT IS!

The son wants to see his father, but Dad doesn’t want him remembering him this way. Chimney encourages him to let the boy come over anyway.

Oh, Chimney. You know exactly why that matters right now.

The father finally agrees, and then the rescue begins. The bleeding is terrifying, but Maddie arranges a helicopter delivery of blood. THANK GOD!

Can we discuss one little thing, though? Because while I’m having a heart attack, I’m watching that bag-valve mask and it doesn’t appear to be sealed properly against the patient’s face.

UM, HELLO?! Shouldn’t that thing actually be ON his face?

Just a thought!

Thankfully, they get the father out alive. And Chimney has one more reminder that sometimes you need to say what matters before it’s too late.

Christopher, You Just Broke My Heart.

Christopher is writing Buck an angry letter about Theo. Eddie tries to explain that Theo is young and might not remember being left behind.

Christopher’s response?

“I do.”

OH, CHRISTOPHER!

He remembers what it felt like when Eddie wasn’t there. Eddie came back, but that doesn’t erase what his son went through.

And I think those two little words hit Eddie harder than anything anybody else could have said.

ATHENA! A GUN ATTACHED TO BALLOONS?!

Athena finally figures out what happened to Chip Larson.

The man attached a gun to HELIUM BALLOONS?!

A GUN. TO BALLOONS.

GOOD LORD!

Chip took his own life and staged it as murder because he wanted his children to receive the life insurance money. The balloons carried the gun away, explaining that bizarre blood pattern and Marshall’s story.

So Marshall really DID see a gun fly away!

And the saddest part? Marshall stayed with Chip as he died and held his hand. He wasn’t the killer at all.

Chip spent years away from his children and tried to leave them money instead of the time they wanted with him. A million dollars can’t replace that.

But Athena isn’t finished. She finds Marshall’s daughter, Erica, and reunites them.

Oh, my heart! The man Captain Crackpot wanted to lock up finally gets to go home to somebody who loves him.

Athena Grant, never change.

CHIMNEY! HE CALLED YOU HIS SON!

Chimney finally goes to see John at the hospital.

And the room is empty.

NO. NO, NO, NO!

For one horrible second, I thought John had died. And seeing Chimney’s reaction absolutely broke me.

But John is alive! He was moved to another room.

THANK YOU, JESUS!

And then John identifies Chimney to a hospital staff member as his son.

HIS SON!

CHIMNEY, DID YOU HEAR THAT?!

John wasn’t saying it to reassure Chimney. He was simply telling somebody who Chimney was. And Chimney overheard him.

That made it even more beautiful.

They hug. They tell each other they love one another. And I’m over here trying to pull myself together.

After all those years of wondering where he stood, Chimney finally heard the answer.

BUCK! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

And then we get to the ending.

Buck shows up at Eddie’s house on crutches with pizza. Okay! Maybe these two are finally going to make up!

NOPE.

Because who’s sitting there?

THEO?!

Eddie contacted Deirdre, became certified to foster, and arranged an emergency placement so Theo could stay with him.

Now, I have some things to say about this.

First of all, Eddie should have told Buck. Absolutely. Buck deserved to hear that from his best friend instead of finding out by walking through the door. And I understand why he’s upset.

But then Buck starts accusing Eddie of trying to be the hero and make him feel guilty. Eddie says this isn’t about either of them.

THANK YOU, EDDIE!

And then Buck brings up Eddie leaving Christopher, suggesting that taking Theo in is some kind of karmic attempt to make up for it.

BUCK! WHAT THE HELL?!

You did NOT just throw that in Eddie’s face!

I understand that Buck is hurting. I understand that Eddie should’ve talked to him. And Eddie isn’t entirely innocent in this argument, either. But knowing everything Eddie and Christopher have been through, that was a cruel thing to say.

I don’t blame Eddie for telling him to leave.

And here’s where I stand: Theo is a child who needs somebody looking out for him. Buck and Eddie are two grown men who can take care of themselves.

Eddie isn’t automatically right about everything just because he’s willing to foster Theo. Buck isn’t automatically wrong because he recognized his limits. But Christopher’s words earlier in the episode make Eddie’s decision easier to understand, and I can’t help being relieved that Theo has somewhere familiar and loving to stay.

Do I want Buck and Eddie to fix their friendship? OF COURSE I DO! I love these two, and I hate seeing them hurt each other.

But right now, Theo comes first.

Boys, figure your shit out. And Buck? You owe Eddie one hell of an apology.