WARNING: Major spoilers ahead for Dexter: Resurrection Season 2, Episode 1, “Risky Business.”

DEXTER MORGAN IS BACK!

Oh my God, I have missed this man! And after watching this premiere, I have so much to say. Because Dexter is still out there hunting serial killers, Harrison is becoming a police officer, some very familiar faces are showing up, and apparently Dexter has forgotten that he’s getting older. Seriously, Dexter. We need to talk.

I love this man. I really do. But there were several moments throughout this episode when I wanted to reach through my television and smack some sense into him. And don’t even get me started on what happened with Harrison!

Kane Hodder?! Well, Hello, Jason!

We open with Dexter receiving a phone call from Angel Batista, who’s waiting outside because he’s found the New York Ripper. Wait. ANGEL?! Considering what happened to Batista last season, I was already wondering what the heck was going on. But then Dexter and Batista go after the Ripper, and I recognize the man they’ve caught. KANE HODDER?! OH MY GOD!

As a huge horror fan, seeing the man who played Jason Voorhees show up in Dexter made me ridiculously happy. I mean, come on! What a way to start the premiere! Dexter has the Ripper on his table, Batista is talking about how Dexter has made the world better, and everything seems to be going exactly the way we’d expect. Until Dexter stabs Batista instead. WHAT?! And then Dexter wakes up in his car. Okay, so it was a nightmare. But something tells me Batista isn’t going to be leaving Dexter alone anytime soon.

Back in the real world, Dexter is driving rideshare passengers around New York, and one particular passenger apparently thinks the entire world revolves around him. He’s demanding mints, complaining about the music, bragging about some enormous business deal, and then he has the nerve to call Dexter a boomer. Excuse you, sir! But Dexter waits until the guy has closed the door and walked away before muttering, “Generation X, dipshit,” and flipping him the bird. I was cracking up! Oh, Dexter, never change.

Meanwhile, Dexter is still tracking down the surviving members of Leon Prater’s serial killer club. We get Chris Jericho as the Midnight Mangler, and then Shavo Odadjian from System of a Down shows up as another one of Dexter’s victims! Seriously, between Kane Hodder, Chris Jericho, and Shavo, I was having a blast with these appearances. And of course Dexter is still collecting his blood slides. But did you catch the slide with the pentagram drawn in blood after he killed Shavo’s character? Well, that’s certainly a new little decoration! Would it really be Dexter without those blood slides?

Harrison Morgan, NYPD!

Now this made me happy. Dexter and Harrison are having breakfast together, and Harrison is talking about graduating from the police academy, getting his own apartment, and finally starting his career. OUR BOY IS BECOMING A COP! And I immediately thought about Harry and Deb. How cool is it that Harrison is following in his grandfather’s and aunt’s footsteps?

But what I really loved was just watching these two together. They’re having an actual father-son conversation. Harrison is talking about rent, security deposits, and staying on Dexter’s phone plan. Dexter is offering to help him get settled. And they’re even sharing their locations!

I love that Dexter and Harrison can finally be honest with each other. Harrison knows who his father is. He knows about the killing. Dexter doesn’t have to come up with some ridiculous excuse every time he disappears. After everything these two have been through, it’s nice seeing them actually have a relationship. Harry even reminds Dexter that being Harrison’s father is the most important thing he can do. And I couldn’t agree more. Which makes what happens later even more upsetting.

Claudette Wallace, I Love You!

Over at the 27th Precinct, we get Detective Claudette Wallace and her partner, Melvin Oliva, back on the New York Ripper case. I loved Claudette last season, and I love her now. This woman is NOT giving up!

Their suspect, Don Framt, comes in with his attorney, and we hear this absolutely disgusting recording of the Ripper taunting the father of a murdered fifteen-year-old girl. The things he says about that child made my stomach turn. And Framt? He’s sitting there making jokes and acting like the entire thing is some big inconvenience. Then he spits into a cup before leaving. Oh, you nasty little man!

Claudette knows he’s the Ripper. Or at least she’s convinced he is. But her captain isn’t going to let her take him to court without enough evidence to make the charges stick. And I get it. They have one shot at convicting him. But this woman has been chasing the Ripper for TWENTY-THREE YEARS! Can you imagine? She wants to catch him before either of them dies, and honestly, I’m rooting for her.

I also really like Oliva. He understands how important this is to her, and I love the way these two work together. Later, Oliva brings Claudette a list of police academy graduates because she needs to choose someone for homicide. She doesn’t want to be bothered with it. But Oliva insists she look. And whose name is on that list? HARRISON MORGAN! Oh, boy. Claudette remembers Harrison from last season. And now he’s about to become a cop. This should be interesting!

Blessing, You Have No Idea Who You’re Talking To!

Meanwhile, Dexter comes home, and Blessing is showing him the improvements to the building and suggesting he should decorate his apartment to make it feel more like him. Oh, Blessing. If you only knew! Because Dexter imagines his couch covered in plastic, knives displayed on the walls, and blood-spatter pictures. I was laughing so hard! Can you imagine walking into somebody’s apartment and seeing that?

And then we meet the Five Borough Killer, played by Dan Stevens. At first, he’s riding the subway and gives up his seat to an elderly woman. Well, isn’t that sweet? Except a few minutes later, he’s walking through a park and calling the police to announce that he’s going to kill somebody at a baseball game. WHAT?! Okay, so much for the nice guy routine. The police receive the warning, but they’re not entirely convinced he’s serious. They decide to put extra officers at the game. And I’m thinking, you might want to take this one a little more seriously, guys.

Dexter, You Promised Your Son!

Dexter has found another member of Prater’s club. Al Walker, otherwise known as Rapunzel. This guy has been traveling around the country with his wife and children, staying at campgrounds while apparently killing people along the way. So Dexter decides to drive to Pennsylvania and take care of him. Sounds simple enough, right? Except there’s one very important thing Dexter seems to be forgetting. HARRISON’S CEREMONY!

Harry is already warning Dexter that he’s taking unnecessary risks. He’s driving all night, doesn’t know the area, and hasn’t really planned this kill the way he normally would. But Dexter insists he’ll be fine. Then Harrison notices that his father is in Pennsylvania because they’re sharing their locations, and he calls. And I swear, Harrison sounded just like Harry! He’s asking Dexter whether he’s thought this through, whether he’s exhausted, and whether he’s putting himself in danger. And Dexter basically brushes it off. Sir, your son is worried about you! Dexter promises he’ll make it back for the ceremony. Okay. Fine. I’ll believe you. For now.

At the campground, Dexter finds Al with his family. They’re playing together, and to anybody else, Al probably looks like a perfectly normal dad. Except we know better. Dexter approaches him as Red, the identity he used with Prater’s club, and convinces Al to meet him later at an abandoned auto body shop. And I’m already thinking this isn’t going to go as smoothly as Dexter expects.

Then we get Harrison’s ceremony. And Dexter isn’t there. OH, COME ON! Harrison receives his gun and badge, and he looks toward the empty seat where his father should be. That hurt. And then afterward, he’s watching everybody else celebrate with their families. One of his friends even asks where Dexter is because Harrison talks about him so much. Do you know how heartbreaking that is?

Harrison is proud of his dad. He wants his friends to meet him. He wanted Dexter there to watch him become a police officer. And Dexter chose a kill. I’m sorry, but that really upset me. I love Dexter, but I am not going to pretend that was okay. Harrison doesn’t have anybody else. Deb is gone. Rita is gone. Harry is gone. Dexter is his family. And Harrison deserved to have his father sitting in that chair.

Thankfully, his friends take him out for drinks afterward. And can we talk about Harrison trying to flirt with that woman at the bar? OH, HONEY! That was so awkward! I was laughing when she shut him down. But then they kept looking at each other, and I thought, well, maybe he didn’t completely blow it after all.

Rapunzel Almost Killed Dexter!

Back at the auto body shop, Dexter is waiting for Al. And this man starts talking about his family like they’re possessions. He provides for them, so apparently that’s all that matters. Oh, I already can’t stand you. Then he starts talking about how much there is to admire about himself. Sir, please!

Eventually, Al asks about his missing souvenirs. And Dexter decides it’s time to tell him who he really is. Dexter Morgan. Serial killer of serial killers. Well, that sounds impressive. Except Al doesn’t react the way Dexter expects. Instead, he attacks him! And suddenly Dexter is on the ground with his own plastic wrapped around his face, trying not to suffocate. DEXTER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

I’m sitting there watching this man nearly get himself killed because he apparently thought Rapunzel was going to be easy to handle. He manages to poke a hole in the plastic so he can breathe, but Al keeps fighting. Eventually Dexter gets a chain around Al’s neck and uses the lifting equipment to strangle him. But holy crap! That was WAY too close.

And I’m sorry, but Dexter really needs to realize he’s not getting any younger. I mean, the man almost got himself suffocated with his own plastic! When was the last time we saw him lose control of a kill that badly? Dexter usually plans everything. He studies his victims. He prepares his kill rooms. He knows what he’s walking into. This time? Not so much. And the craziest part is that both Harry and Harrison warned him!

At least Dexter makes sure Al’s body will be discovered without the property owner’s grandson having to stumble upon it. That was thoughtful. But I was still sitting there thinking, Dexter, honey, you need to start working out. Because that was ridiculous!

The Five Borough Killer Isn’t Playing Around

Remember that baseball game? Well, it gets rained out. But apparently our new killer doesn’t care about the weather. And did you notice those glasses? Because he actually turns on the recording feature before approaching a woman in the parking lot! He walks right up to her, tells her nobody cares, and shoots her. Just like that. And then he walks away!

There are police officers all over the place, people are leaving the stadium, and this man manages to kill somebody while recording the entire thing. HOW?! Later, Claudette and Oliva are investigating, but the rain has washed away evidence, and the security footage isn’t much help. And now they’re wondering whether this was a random victim or somebody the killer specifically wanted dead.

Meanwhile, Harrison’s evening apparently went better than his attempt at flirting suggested. He wakes up with the woman from the bar, and she’s wearing a police uniform! Well, look at you, Harrison! And then… JOEY QUINN?! OH MY GOD! I was so happy!

I love Joey Quinn, and seeing him back in the Dexter universe made me ridiculously excited. But he’s asking questions about Angel Batista. And now I’m REALLY interested. Because we know what happened to Angel, and Quinn knew him. I have a feeling Dexter’s past isn’t quite finished with him.

Dexter Morgan, Meet Father Time!

After his fight with Rapunzel, Dexter is driving back to New York. And the man is exhausted. He’s so tired that he actually starts falling asleep behind the wheel. DEXTER! WAKE UP! And suddenly Batista appears again. Dexter jerks awake, and thankfully he doesn’t crash.

But here’s what I find interesting. Batista has now appeared to Dexter twice, both times when Dexter was sleeping. And I can’t help wondering whether Batista is almost like an angel on Dexter’s shoulder. Not some sweet little angel telling him everything is okay. Nope. More like one who’s reminding Dexter that he can’t just forget the things he’s done. Especially what happened to Batista himself. It’s almost like Angel is haunting him.

Harry, on the other hand, seems to be everywhere while Dexter is awake. And now that we’ve gone through the episode, I have to say it: I don’t remember Harry popping up quite this much before! He’s practically having a running conversation with Dexter throughout the premiere. He’s questioning Dexter’s decisions, warning him about his behavior, and constantly reminding him about Harrison. And honestly, Harry has a point!

Because this entire episode keeps coming back to one thing. DEXTER IS GETTING OLDER! Harrison is worried about him. Harry is worried about him. He nearly gets killed by Rapunzel, and then he falls asleep driving home. And let’s not forget his eyesight! Did anybody else notice how many times Dexter couldn’t read the text on his phone? Then toward the end, he’s trying to read something on his laptop, and he can’t see that clearly either. DEXTER, GET SOME GLASSES!

Seriously! At this point, I’m more worried about Dexter surviving the drive home than the actual serial killers! And apparently he needs to start working out, too, because that fight with Rapunzel was embarrassing.

But there’s something else going on here. Harry points out that Dexter seems to want more out of life. And I get that. I really do. He’s getting older. Harrison is growing up. Things are changing. But Harry makes a pretty good point about what happens when a serial killer starts having something resembling a midlife crisis. Most men might buy a sports car or start dating somebody younger. Dexter Morgan? He decides to drive across state lines, skip his son’s ceremony, and nearly get himself murdered. Yeah, that’s a problem.

Meanwhile, the Five Borough Killer is sitting in a park, sending footage of his murder to complete strangers through AirDrop. And he’s smiling while they watch it! What a sick individual! Then we see Don Framt laughing at news coverage featuring himself. These guys are absolutely loving the attention. And Dexter is still out there trying to hunt people like them. But for how much longer?

Because here’s the thing. Dexter Morgan has spent his entire life hunting monsters. And now one of his biggest enemies might be Father Time. I mean, Father Time doesn’t care how many killers you’ve taken out, Dexter! You’re still getting older!

And what worries me more than anything is Harrison. I love seeing these two finally have a real relationship. I love that Harrison can talk to Dexter about his Dark Passenger without all the lies and secrets. But I don’t want Dexter throwing that relationship away because he can’t stop himself from chasing another killer. Harrison needs his dad. And quite frankly, I think Dexter needs Harrison just as much.

Between Kane Hodder, Chris Jericho, Shavo Odadjian, Dan Stevens, the return of Joey Quinn, and everything happening with Harrison, I absolutely loved this premiere. But I’m also sitting here wondering how much longer Dexter can keep pushing himself before something goes terribly wrong. Because this man is clearly not invincible.

And Dexter, I love you, but please get some sleep, get your eyes checked, and maybe spend a little more time at the gym. Oh, and the next time your son has an important ceremony? SHOW UP! God, I love this show. And I already need another episode!