On Supernatural, John Winchester (Matt Cohen, Jeffrey Dean Morgan) has been called many things including “An obsessed bastard” by Dean in Season 3 episode “Dream A Little Dream of Me.” His parenting skills have been called into question on numerous occasions.  But how did John really feel about being Sam and Dean’s (Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles) father and what kind of parent did he think he was?

This Father’s Day, we finally get to hear from John in his own words.  Dean has found a letter written by his dad in which the marine father has poured his heart out to his boys.

Writer’s Note: This letter is fictional. It has not aired on The CW’s Supernatural and is the product of the author’s imagination.

Boys,

I don’t know whether we’ll survive this fight against the demon that took your mother away from us but I needed to let you know a few things.  It was hard for me after losing Mary, I don’t know how I was able to go on.  It was probably because of you boys. You were the last thing I had of her and our love for each other. And there was no way I was going to lose you like I lost her.

I had to make sure you knew how to protect yourselves from all the things out there that could hurt you. Learning how to fire a shot gun and a crossbow was more important than tossing around a baseball or football. Knowledge was power and the knowledge I gave you was the power you had against all the nasty things that went bump in the night.

I know you hated me because of this Sammy.  I know you hated growing up with a hunter as a father.  You wanted a normal life and we butted heads because of it. But if I didn’t give you the tools to take care of yourselves, what kind of father would I have been?  Sure I could have spent my days after your mother’s death in a drunk filled haze of sorrow and regret.  But what would that have helped?  What would have happened? Well, I’ll tell you. I would have lost my children too. So, it was better to have you hate me and stay alive.  

Dean, you were my rock during this time.  You took care of Sammy like he was your own.  You were more than just his brother, you were like his mother. I think it was your way of honoring her.  Mary would have been proud of you Dean, as I am.

I know you don’t believe it Sammy but I’m proud of you too. Even when you were being pig-headed and standing up to me you showed a strength that I admired. I’m proud of the man you’ve become.

I may not win any Father of the Year Awards, but I believe in my heart that I tried to be a good father. A father does anything he can to protect his children.  And that’s what I did.  My methods may not have been the best but I did what I had to do to keep you safe. And I’m not apologizing for that.  That’s all any father can do.”

Dad

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