Angels peeing vodka and red bull, yes, that’s a thing and Chanel wants it in her pumpkin patch. Scream Queens started off their second Halloween episode, Pumpkin Patch, with some crazy rich partying planning. I really want to know if you can actually put out a fire with champagne, though I don’t want to test that myself. Someone call Myth Busters! Then we got a glimpse of the Chanels costume plans, I mean bereaved wives of assassinated US presidents is super niche, but super limited options there. I would totally claim Mary Todd Lincoln, don’t know why you’re so upset with that option Five, but to each her own. I think this was also the first night I saw the title sequence for the show, I don’t know if this was new and I’ve just accidentally skipped it during my dvr watching, but it was pretty cool.

If you watched the sneak peek from this weekend you would have already seen the next little bit of the episode. Chad gave a very, umm, inspiring(?) speech about how canceling Halloween is a horrible idea because there will be no sexy male and female costumes. Chanel insists that she will still open her pumpkin patch just after curfew at exactly 12:01 am on November 1st. We learn that Jennifer really likes ants, probably as much as her candles and can be bought, well bribed with fancy retail candles. Hester, sometimes Six, and Five have a plan to secretly take over Kappa House by getting Zayday the presidency. Chanel gets to show of her best perp walk and you learn you definitely should not accept treats from the Kappas on Trick or Treat night. We also get a lovely “it puts the lotion in the basket” homage with Zayday and the Red Devil.

The Kappas have gone from eating cotton balls to fake eating off fine china, which seems even weirder to me, though less My Strange Addiction. Three takes over the house in the interim and refuses to look for Zayday in order to keep the Dean from shutting them down. Grace and Pete walk in on some ummm, parental acrobatics, yeah, that’s what her dad was doing with Gigi. Chanel goes fifty shades of Orange is the New Black, until Three give her text book money for bail. Denise and the Dean teach us that Chad is the community disco stick. Zayday is still in danger, and Denise is in charge of finding her, even though she thinks she’s the Red Devil. Hester is running all sorts of schemes and has found a way to pit Chanel and Five against each other, which leads to dueling Jackies and a dangerous punishment in the pumpkin patch for Five.

Grace has a plan to find Zayday and somehow Gigi is an amateur soil expert, because glaciers, yeah she lectures everyone about glaciers. Though it turns out there’s always an app for that and they can just track Zayday by logging into her phone’s find my device account. Denise busts up an emotional moment between Grace, Wes, and Gigi and Five winds up in the weirdest pick a boyfriend moment ever before she runs into Chanel’s replica “The Shining” Maze. The Red Devil gets to play Here’s Johnny with some hedge trimmers, which lets Five get away with one of a set of twin frat boys.

Grace and company go hunting for Zayday in a creepy basement, where they obviously split up, because when in doubt Scooby Doo it out. Gigi gets tazed in the boobs, but someone doesn’t go into shock or die from an electric charge right to the chest. I mean I love my chest as much as the next girl, but Bonnie and Clyde are not going to save me from an electric shock. Grace and Gigi bond after the Red Devil gets shocked by Gigi. Somehow Zayday escapes, she explains everything when she swoops in to stop Chanel from stealing the election from her. The Red Devil actually might have a thing for Lady Z, but she forks that in the hand real fast. Grace magically appears in plenty of time to vote, but that’s not happening until next week ladies and gents. The episode ends with a huge twist and Gigi shows she might be crazy…like a 90s obsessed fox.

I honestly don’t know what to think of this episode. This show is just so crazy that I can’t stop watching it. It’s like a train wreck, with really pretty people. That sounds awful, but I just can’t explain this show. I’m tuning in next week for more crazy teens and murderous shenanigans.

If you want to share your thought on Screams Queens let me know in the comments or on Twitter, either by tweeting at @thenerdygirlexp or @kleffnotes.