Obscene googling, a murder high five, magic healing powers, a masturbation reference, a deadly proposition, and that was all before the title sequence. Wednesday’s AHS: Hotel episode, Mommy, jumped right into some crazy murder business. Will Drake might be in danger, but you’ll just have to wait and see.

Once we jumped back from the commercial break, we were given a lot of internal monologue from Chloe Sevigny, she’s the detective’s wife Alex, about why she became a pediatrician. She totally reveals she loves her missing son Holden more than she loves her daughter, Scarlett. I’m sure that makes Scarlett feel great about herself. Family therapy with the detective family ends on a very “Scarlett is probably crazy” note and then we are back to the Hotel. Naomi Campbell, Claudia, checks in and gets a bit too cozy with the man in the mattress, Schmidt’s back everyone! This does mean Sally has sewed multiple people into mattresses and not just one drugged up dude. The detective goes to investigate a multiple murder scene at a newspaper office, tongues wagged and witnesses were falsely bared, and he comes home to the Hotel and is met by Schmidt on the floor.

Tristan gets his distraction sexy pants on, or maybe that should be off, as he tries to get rid of Will Drake, but The Countess has other plans. Schmidt gets to the hospital and starts confessing to a murder, but he doesn’t say who died. Claudia is missing and Sally makes a Ten Commandments reference to the detective. Pretty suspicious, don’t you think? Though she tries to go to a different sort of downtown than the detective was planning. He finds himself on an elevator ride with the eyeless man, but when he gets off no Sally and no creepy man. Iris has plans to move in with her baby boy, but Donovan has no desire to be anywhere near her. He has issues with mommy, but there are definitely some daddy issues going on. I mean she made him join a weird super fibery vegetarian cult, which even as a vegetarian sounds weird, but she doesn’t sound that awful. Donovan leaves the Hotel, but starts sipping on junkies, which is a big no no according to last week’s rules. And then Angela Bassett appears, with a taser and a Donovan sized trunk.

Alex arrives to talk to the detective and she has some very important papers with her. I mean she already kicked you out of the house, that should have been a clue, right detective? He is super upset though so I do feel bad, maybe the Hotel wasn’t the best choice of bachelor pad. The Countess invites Will to her room and somehow manages to cleanly wipe a drop of red wine off of his white button down shirt. She’s extra magic because that would totally need bleach. Tristan breaks up the party and The Countess lets us know how broke she truly is. Apparently she made some super bad business deals with Bernie Madoff and now she needs to marry Will to stay fancy. Will and Alex almost rekindle their flame, until he mentions bouncing babies and she’s out of there in a flash. Claudia returns as a bloody ghost to ask if she’s in hell and Alex gets a peak at baby vamp Holden.

Sally and Iris bond in the bedroom, but Sally reveals she has unfinished business that leaves her haunting the Hotel. She also totally doesn’t want to share her haunt spots with Iris. Donovan is shown hooked up to a dialysis machine under the watchful eye of Angela Bassett, who knows not only his name, but that he needs his blood cleaned up asap. We get a super foxy flashback of Ms. Bassett and her character’s name, Ramona Royale. The Countess makes an appearance in the flash back and they get down to business, well if business involves blood and a bedroom. Ramona falls in love with a rapper, but when she turns him, The Countess loses her mind and destroys him. Donovan thinks she’s going to kill him for revenge, but it turns out baby vamps are more important than lover boys and she kicks him to the curb too. Quick questions, was that the Coven mansion? It sure looked like it to me.

Donovan comes back to the Hotel and winds up discussing acting and pencil skirts with Liz Taylor. A lot of shade gets thrown and Liz tells him to go be nice to Iris, who is taking way more time to die than she and Sally expected. Lots of drugs and a plastic bag later, Donovan finally shows up and tries to save his mama. And wham bam thank you ma’am we’ve got a Lestat and Gabrielle level vampire situation in the works. If you haven’t read Anne Rice, no problem, just google it, you’ll see what I mean.

With that cliffhanger, I end my recap. It was a pretty busy episode, but I’m excited to see more of Angela Bassett. A little terrified of what might happen with Donovan and Iris though. Prepare to get scared because next week is AHS Halloween time! I love the Halloween episodes so I’m extra excited this season.

Share your thoughts about AHS:Hotel or anything AHS related with us in the comments or on Twitter, @thenerdygirlexp, you can also tweet at me, @kleffnotes, or find me at, kleffnotes.wordpress.com.